The Day I Decided to Quit Killing Myself

Let me start by saying that I LOVE smoking. It’s a horrible fact to admit, especially with the current stigma attached to the topic, but I really enjoy it.

So this story starts about 38 years ago when I was just a kid. My parents were children in the 70s and they grew up in a time when smoking was normal and socially accepted. Everybody smoked and you could smoke anywhere you went to the grocery store, to the restaurant where you dine, to work and even to the doctor’s office. Hell, even the doctor was probably smoking on the visit with you.

Now I was about 5 or 6 years old and my parents were smoking around me and I hated it. He just couldn’t stand the smell of smoke and hated smelling like smoke all the time. I would complain and moan begging them to stop telling them that I was unpleasant and that I was making myself sick, and of course they would respond with the normal parental response of “stop complaining.” I remember once that she was still very young, but I got into my mother’s purse and decided that she would make her quit smoking. So I grabbed her package of “Marlboros” from her and she was going to show it to her and I threw them in the bathroom and left them floating there. Well my mom found them like this and she was furious with me. They probably called me all the names in the book, but in the end she calmed down and told me about it. She said “it really bothers you so much, huh?” Well I just told her that she was gross and stinky and that she didn’t like going to school and smelling like smoke all day. She agreed that it was an unpleasant habit and that she would try to quit. Well, of course, like many people “trying to quit,” it didn’t really work. A couple of months after this event my mother found out that I was pregnant from what she was sure was my little brother and when she found out that she was pregnant she looked at me and said “I will grant you your wish” and never smoked. again. Following my mother’s example, Mt Papa even decided to quit smoking and to this day they have never smoked again.

Fast forward about 10 years. I was about 15 years old or so and knew at this point that I had an addictive personality, even if I didn’t know what that was at the time, I knew that I tended to indulge in whatever I found enjoyable. One day I was cycling down a road (small town highway) and I found a pack of cigarettes that someone must have accidentally dropped. I picked them up even though I had never had an interest in smoking, I thought I was fine with those Myle Vape DubaiĀ 
things in my pocket. You may be thinking to yourself what it must be like when he started smoking, but you would be wrong. I kept that pack of cigarettes hidden in my room for months and every now and then I would take them out, look at them and smell them and even act like I was smoking, but I knew better not to light one because I knew I couldn’t stop once I started. And remember all those years ago how unpleasant my parents smelled from those things.

Years passed and I resisted the urge to join all my friends and all the “cool guys” and start smoking. I worked in restaurants where people smoked and took smoke breaks while I was working but refused to smoke so I took 5 minute breaks where I walked away like everyone else, but I didn’t smoke, I just stood there. And breath. One day, I guess I was 19-20 years old, I was coming back from a trip to Louisville KY with a friend and he was smoking and I said, oh heck, I’m going to try one and see what happens with all the hype. I was about to. From the first puff of that cigarette. Marlboro Menthol Lights Got me hooked. My nerves seemed to calm down and I was relaxed and just felt satisfaction.